Saturday, May 14, 2011
Earlier today I was looking for a recipe I had posted on my other blog, Bekah’s Bites. I went to google popped the words in and “Bekah’s bits” came up. Turns out there is a girl, who has the exact same name as me, who is blogging, with one letter difference in her blog.
Here is the craziest part of all- We share a name, and she has a German Shepherd named Meesha, I have two German Shepherds, Hansel and Gretel. She is a survivor of child sexual abuse just like I am. She says in the blog, “I'm trying to keep positive, but right now it's very difficult. I want to curl up under my blankets and cry, and just be held. But, I don't have that luxury. So, for now, I smile through the constant pain, and hide it. I hate being a burden on anyone, and that is NOT the reason I'm writing this. I'm NOT looking for pity, and this is not a "woe is me" kind of thing. I wanted people to know what I'm going through, and why I need to step back for a bit. I need to figure out how to deal with all of this. I don't want to be a downer anymore. I will continue to blog when I can, but FB is out for now.”
I could have written that. I took a break from facebook for awhile too. I tried to keep positive but I am smiling through nothing but pain, to keep people from worrying, to hide it, I wear a mask. I don’t want pity, attention, or empathy. Im not screaming from the mountain, “pay attention to me” in fact, I have not been talking to people, haven’t been going out, and definitely am not begging for attention. Its not that at all. Its explaining how you feel, getting it out on paper, and I journal more for me than anyone else. I totally get what she is saying. I stopped posting anything because so much of it was downer Debbie. Well, you know what, that is where I am right now and I need to get through it or get lost in it. If you cant handle it, do what you need to do, delete me from facebook, don’t read my blog, hide my status updates, whatever it takes. Right now this is where I am and this is what I am going through.
at 10:58 PM