Post 11- The Fallen

Dear Journal,

Today has been a day of indifference. I have a lot of friends going through a lot of things right now and I'm purely exhausted. Im emotionally drained. It wasn't a good day or a bad day, just a day. I don't have a lot to say today. I haven't spoken to Corky Bear since Monday. It is really ridiculously hard to not be able to pick up the phone and call your husband. I hate it.

America forgets too much about our troops overseas.

Can I tell you that my husband has been in Afghanistan during the most combat, the most IEDs and the most American deaths to date? He is there during the deadliest part of the war thus far, and I hope that number goes down and not up. Its winter, the fighting is supposed to slow down in the winter. But it's not. And it is breaking my heart. 711 American soldiers died in Afghanistan in 2010. So far, six days into 2011 and already six have died. I don't like it. I hate this war. I hate the deaths. I hate the fact that we have troops coming home without arms, legs, hands. I hate that we have so many orphaned, so many widowed. I want it to be over. But I cant end the war. I cant bring all the troops home. I cant undo what has been done.

I am so proud of my husband. So proud of what he is doing. So proud of the lives I know he is saving by doing his job. I am so proud of his entire unit, pulling together, working side by side, to help remove the IED and other explosive threats from country.

A family member of mine forwarded me the http://icasualties.org website and Ive been checking it out. I shouldn't, not now, not while he is deployed but I have been. You know what? I feel like I need to know the names of those who have fallen, I need to remember, say a prayer for each one, like somehow that makes their lives lost not in vain, like somehow that is honoring them to know who they each are. I don't dwell, I don't obsess, but I do say a prayer for each family. (The list is here: http://icasualties.org/OEF/Fatalities.aspx)

I cant focus, or dwell, or obsess over it.

All I can do is pray. Pray for the safety of those left overseas. Pray for the families left in America the strength to endure this deployment. Pray for sanity. Pray for love. Pray for peace. Pray for life.