Saturday, January 29, 2011

Post 37: Day 7 & 8 Of The Challenge

This photo is of my and my husband's hands. 

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Dear Journal,

There have been many people who have come into my life who have made it worth living for. By far the person that is always there is my husband. Many of my friends have failed me, we wont even touch on family, but Corky has never left my side or betrayed me since saying "I Do." He is my biggest supporter and yet he also calls me out on my crap. I love him so much and he is my best friend. He is the reason that I am alive and that I keep going when sometimes I just want to give up, crawl into a hole and be done with the world. 

Knowing how much my husband adores me keeps me going when I feel like falling apart. I know that if something happened to me he would be devastated, that keeps me from being impulsive.

Knowing I have someone to come home to, knowing I have a home with him really makes my life worth living. Feeling appreciated, adored and cared for really helps me keep my chin up when things are going wrong.

Being married means always having a home, always having a friend, always having a safety net. It means someone is always in my court, someone is always on my team. Being married is not that big of a deal, not with the divorce rate being as high as it is, but being married to your best friend, not that is special.


Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Dear Journal,

This question would have been so easy for me to write about a year ago. But today, I have learned how to make my life a better one by letting go of pain and people who treat me badly. I don't want to make a laundry list; we all have people who have treated us poorly. I have several in my life that I have had to get rid of because of their treatment.

It is my life. I am in control of it. I can not control other people. I can not control what they say or how they act. I can control how I react to other people. I can control whether or not I let them in my life. I can control whether I listen to them. I can control whether I care about their opinion. I can control how much influence they have on me. I can control me. 

Here is what I learned: you get treated like crap when you allow yourself to get treated like crap. You can't control the way other people behave you can only control how you behave. You can't control how people treat you but you can control your reaction to them.

When someone teaches you like crap over and over it stops becoming their fault and start becoming your fault. You let yourself be hurt so many times and then you walk away.

I have been making a conscience effort to not let people treat me like crap. I allow it once or twice but then I speak up. Depending on how they respond depends on how I progress with the relationship. Case in point, the other day when I confronted my friend about how she was making me feel I did it politely, respectfully and calmly. When I did I told her when she x I feel y and I didn't think she realized it was making me feel that way. Her response told me that she did not value the relationship or me as a person. Instead of backing down and continuing to let her treat me that way I walked away from the relationship. I had allowed her actions and words to hurt me for over two weeks and then I realized I was allowing it, I was in control, I was the one allowing her to hurt me. I had to take away her power over me by standing up for myself, putting my foot down, saying "how you are treating me is not right" and giving her the option of changing her behavior towards me or ending the friendship. Unfortunately, I had to end the friendship.

When people use you, mistreat you, say unforgiveable things to you, walk all over you it is not them that you need to blame. It is yourself. When you recognize they are abusing you or making your life miserable you have the choice to allow it to continue or to stop it.

I think about it like a woman who is being abused by her boyfriend. Staying in a relationship with a man who beats you is not acceptable. It may be hard to walk away but its either that or let him kill you. In the end it is as much your fault for staying as it is his fault for hitting you.

So, to answer this question I don't have anyone in my life who treats me like hell because I don't allow anyone to treat me that way.

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