Post 1: Introduction

Dear Journal,

It feels really weird to type 2011 on the top of this. I am not ready for a new year but I am. Im not because I feel like I have left some unresolved issues in the past year. The good thing about a new year is you get a new start, except do we really? We can make what we want out of our lives, our year, our days but just because we pull another page off the calendar doesn't mean *poof* fresh starts. Same jobs, same friends, same families, same houses, same kids, same pets, same spouses, it is not like magically a new year rolls around and we get to start over with everything. The same hurts and pains from misspoken words or malicious actions still hurt our hearts, the same joyful memories linger there as well. I guess I don't understand the concept; "New Year, New Start."

I am writing this blog to be a better me. Physically, spiritually and emotionally. To learn new things about myself and the world, to explore and grow and mature, to be open minded to new experiences, to allow myself to be vulnerable. To live life not let it pass me by.

My new year resolutions this year were quite simple. I am not vowing to lose fifty pounds, not that that wouldn't be great, or to write in a blog every day, to get some fancy degree or to fly to the moon. My new year's resolution is simply to be a better me and to live a better life.   To be a better me. Physically, spiritually and emotionally. To learn new things about myself and the world, to explore and grow and mature, to be open minded to new experiences, to allow myself to be vulnerable and find the right people to start letting my walls down around to build lasting relationships. And to live life not let it pass me by.

But I am doing some new things this year. I have already started my break from facebook. Facebook is a tool that helps me to do things I shouldn't be doing. It is an enabler. I have recognized some destructive behavior in my life and in order to be a better person I need to figure out a way to fix these behaviors. I will get into my details in a later blog about this, but for now, I will just say I have made the decision to deactivate my facebook until the time where I feel I can use it in a healthy manner.

This is my blog and I have vowed that I will make it honest, real and forthcoming. I will be dealing with some deep issues in here and I will be writing some things that make people uncomfortable. If you are in my life you may find yourself mentioned in here, but without your permission, I will assign a letter or a fake name. DO NOT ASSUME anything I write is about you. ASK ME. Any assumptions you make are on your own.

I may write a blog every day, or five, or none. It will depend on my mood and my thoughts that are going through my head. I may write about life, love, food, dogs, current events.

I write. I love it. The first thing I want to do when I wake up is write. The last thing I want to do before I go to bed is write. I think about writing as I drive in the car, for example, the other day driving in the middle of a snow storm I was thinking about the way it looked, I was seeing the storm, smelling it, feeling it, in such a way that I could express it later, on paper, and put a person in the middle of it. The anxiety of the road conditions, the constant freezing of ice on my windshield, it was there, but in the back of my mind, the descriptive phrases of what I was seeing, the way the mountains looked, that was what was forefront. I couldn't wait to get home and put it on paper and share those experiences with my deployed husband.

Those are some of the things you may find in my blog in days to come. Or you may find an angry, hard to read, choppy few sentences.

I can't guarantee a literary work of art. I can guarantee blunt honesty and authenticity. You can comment on my blog, and please do, you can comment without having an account, you can comment anonymously, you can send me emails to corkyswife@gmail.com

And if you know me in real life you can read my blog and change your opinion on me. You can judge me. You can love me. You can hate me. You can do whatever you want because they are your opinions and your feelings and your thoughts, just like this is mine. At the end of this year I may find myself standing alone in the world, but I don't think I could feel any more alone then I feel now, but even if I do, at least I will know, that this time it is because of me and not because of rumors and lies about me. This time if I stand alone it will be ok because I will stand alone, vindicated and strong in my truth.

Welcome to my blog.